wants so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words.

never, in all my years have i seen my home like this. it's insane.

first real flood experience. omg.

thank god for my bestfriend. THANK. GOD.

i stared at our main street in disbelief as the waters ran past waist-deep.

and i sat on the steps of a bank truly knowing the meaning of being so near yet so far.

the first step is always the worst. you think of everything that might possibly be in that water. spit. shit. pee. vermin. insects. disease.

and then you think, well fuck it. i have to get home. and then wading in that toxic swamp is just reduced to necessity.

who knew i could be so butch HAHA!

I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU

now that i've said it a hundred times (yeah, you can count it) - you're still not gonna get it.

i let you talk so much because i simply like watching your lips move.

and all i wanted was for it to be real.

have to fight it.

i can't lose you this way.

i feel like dying.

why does it have to keep coming back?

there's too much riding on this. i can't be careless.

sometimes it feels like i'm about to explode - like it's too much and i have to scream it out.

it'll come and it'll go.

i should really stop torturing myself like this. i'm way too damaged for this shit.

it's killing me that i can't do ANYTHING about it.

my soul in 1's and 0's.

please, God - MAKE IT STOP!

everything in it's own time - all will be revealed in the end.

i don't believe that you can't see it.

this is what you get for wanting something more.

can we please skip this part?

i know that this is all in my head.

crazy. SERIOUSLY.

wasn't supposed to run this deep.

i have to get out of here.

you really are something extraordinary, you know that? just the right combination to drive me INSANE.

you're playing dangerous games here, honey.

and i remember that heavy scent and all the lies it left behind.

you don't treat people this way.

it's not something you do because you're bored.

don't take out your frustrations on the innocent. it's really not going to make a difference in how things are.

don't be too much of a BITCH - you're going to pay for it in the end.

you forget that you wanted it too.

it's all gone by so fast. before i know it - i'll be waking up to the twilight of my life. what would i have achieved? what would i have been remembered for?

what do i want from you? EVERYTHING - everything and nothing.

you have no idea. you could have given me the only gift i really wanted.

it's sad how superficial you are. what - is this all because you want to show off??? you know, once the novelty wears off, nobody is going to care. so why do YOU??

you're kind of a little homewrecker, aren't you?

don't be so obtuse.

i wonder how things are to turn out.

i'm only going to hurt you.

be very careful, dearie.

Abandon

You have been bled.
Only a drop remains.
You have proven
A man can live on water.

He may cover his ears
And he may shut his eyes.

She may not comprehend
And she may not believe.

But who are they
For them to say,
'Change -
Rearrange and exchange'?

Be not afraid to fall
For how else can you FLY?

* * *

"Man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward." —Job 5:7

such a high. there's just so much to explore. in love with it all.

there is so much to run from.

i want to go back to the beginning.

yes, even that.

because what was "that" anyway? a footnote. forgettable. regrettable.

slowly turned back.

there's no point in it anymore. it was always just an excuse. i knew it - i just didn't care at the time.

i feel like myself again.

in a strange, redemptive kind of way.

the degradation and the degeneration.

yep. i have really good taste.

RIGHT.

i am... imagining things, aren't i?

has it really come to that?

wow.

this is just a whole other level.

i just... i want a BREAK.

stop the monotony!!

this is a mutiny.

whatever.

i just wanted to make it seem more interesting than it really was.

the truth... i'm all for it.

it's just a little sad sometimes, you know?

probably not.

you are alone
in a house that is not a home