I want a universal remote.

I want a breakfast club.

on second thought, maybe not. i don't like waking up for breakfast. hahahahaha!

a lunch club?

whatever.

oh my bad days continue.

i wake up EARLY for AMP CAMP to find out that pia can't make it.

fine i can still go. JR's still there.

but no. i call and he says he won't go.

so who the hell will i stay with, right? so i decide NOT to go and make other plans to watch a movie with ninong and tita tin at eastwood.

THEN JR calls and says he CAN make it and he's waiting for me. so i CANCEL and try to get a ride to ateneo.

but my ride takes an HOUR to get me and once i call JR again, he has LEFT for a gig with his sister.

and now i can't even get in touch with BAM who i made plans with like days ago to hang out later this afternoon. i call her house. i call her phone. NOTHING.

i know it's no one's fault but i'm HELLA pissed off.

i'm stuck at home on the saturday i was really looking forward to.

just fabulous.

The floodgates of Absence have been opened, heralding imminent comsummation. And as every breath grows more harrowed, a pale hand stretches out, grasping for redemption.

* * *

i am a coward. i cry imprisonment yet call this cage my home... for failure and the darkness of uncertainty lie waiting beyond it.

sometimes i think my life would be so much easier if i wasn't such an artist.

Maybe I should just jump to see how far Bottom really is.

saturday can't come quickly enough.

* * *

...and misery inked black upon her cheeks...

drawing circles on the sand
the tide comes in
a million times
i can't stop
i won't stop
till they stay
i have to make them stay

* * *

class suspension is music to my ears. i love the rain.

stuck in a loop
i've waved goodbye
a million times
i can't let go
i won't let go
rewind
just rewind

* * *

you see it's not us. it's YOU. it's always been YOU. you drive people away coz you're too freaking unreasonable. you're going to lose this one and the next one and the next one. because it's too late for you to change. you're just gonna die alone, plain and simple.

i can't wait. i can't wait till i don't have to see your stupid face.

* * *

i want to run away and hide in your house so BAD!! hahahahahaha!!

i miss your weird squishy-but-not-so-squishy hugs!

i want to get out of this perennial bad day!!!!!!!!!!

As she spoke, Jo took off her bonnet, and a general outcry arose, for all her abundant hair was cut short.

"Your hair! Your beautiful hair!"
"Oh, Jo, how could you? Your one beauty."

---Little Women

* * *

there's a reason why people don't stay where they are
baby, sometimes love just ain't enough...

* * *

i am at the threshold of acceptance.

all those summer trepidations have been carefully stowed away.
all blissful dreams have been sadly locked away.

now a new door opens before me. it is dark, cold and forbidding and i tremble as it slowly creaks open.

is it failure? for i feel now what i have rarely felt before. its shadow curdles my insides. i am weak. i am dying. i am nothing.

it is a consummation into doubt and i will burn to ash.

all i plead is salvation for the damned.

* * *

i hate college.

i want to die.

you made my day. i've really just been waiting for you to say those words. i don't know why you waited this long or why you just didn't say it to my face. but beggars can't really be choosers. i just hope this is the fresh start we've been waiting for. please. no more drama. i just want to hug you like i used to.

this doesn't mean as much to you as it does to me. so expect me to fight.

it's still there. GOD WHY IS IT STILL THERE???

i have to wash my mouth out with soap. this habit is REALLY getting on my nerves. curse my fate. CURSE IT ALL!!

ngayon... masaya naman ako na nalalaman ko pa na namimiss mo pa ako. pero sa una lang yan. makakalimutan mo rin ang lahat. at kapag dumating ang araw na yun...

andito pa rin siguro ako.

Good Enough - Sarah Mclachlan

Hey your glass is empty
It's a hell of a long way home
Why don't you let me take you
It's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
After all the bullshit I've heard
It's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend
She doesn't expect it from me

Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
Don't tell me I have never been there for you
Don't tell me why
Nothing is good enough

Hey little girl would you like some candy
Your momma said that it's ok
The door is open come on outside
No I can't come out today
It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid
You're shaken to the bone
And I don't understand
You deserve so much more than this

So don't tell me why
He's never been good to you
Don't tell me why
He's never been there for you
Don't you know that why
Is simply not good enough
So just let me try
And I will be good to you
Just let me try
And I will be there for you
I'll show you why
You're so much more than good enough...