"There are a hundred things she has tried to chase away the things she won't remember and that she can't even let herself think about because that's when the birds scream and the worms crawl and somewhere in her mind it's always raining a slow and endless drizzle.

You will hear that she has left the country, that there was a gift she wanted you to have, but it is lost before it reaches you. Late one night the telephone will ring, and a voice that might be hers will say something that you cannot interpret before the connection crackles and is broken.

Several years later, from a taxi, you will see someone in a doorway who looks like her, but she will be gone by the time you persuade the driver to stop. You will never see her again.

Whenever it rains you will think of her. "

-Neil Gaiman

* * *

We are all screaming - dying to be heard.

Tearing at our hair, clawing our eyes out in search of one small word.

The truth is, you're an asshole.

* * *

The question of You & Me
Can be answered just by Proximity
You'll see
I can make you fall in love with me.

* * *

Some days are harder than the rest.

What a nightmare.

* * *

I whispered secrets in your ear

Only to watch you disappear

Once you were the sun and moon

Now both have set before noon

Never forget who wasn't there

Never forget who didn't care

* * *

Naive Orleans - Anberlin

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
But my heart's lost in New Orleans

Dreams come clever
Hearts now severed
Difference of forever
And I am lost there

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies

To the songs that we sing

Your actions write the melodies

To the songs that we sing

And you just sing along out loud, yeah

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around

And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies

To the songs that we sing

Your actions write the melodies

To the songs that we sing

And you just sing along out loud

That might be true today... but tomorrow is a different day.

* * *

Promises, Promises

You promised me all the time in the world
We didn't have to do it all today
There was tomorrow
And the day after tomorrow
I should relax
We have all the time in the world

You promised me you'd grow up for me
So that someday we could get married
Have kids and a house with a library
We'd be together till our hair turned gray
I should have faith
You'd grow up for me

You promised me you would never leave me
That you would love me forever
You would be there for me
Always - no matter what
I shouldn't worry
You would never leave me

You promised me it was over with her
There was only me
I was all you could see
I was all that you would ever see
I shouldn't be paranoid
It was over with her

You promised me so many things
They were bright and beautiful
Like stars that filled my sky with hope
But always too far from reach
I shouldn't have been so gullible
They were only promises of so many, many things

* * *

Maybe I just... need to put myself out there. Maybe I won't get lightning and magic every time but I have to move on.

I have to allow myself these little pieces of happiness wherever I might find them because I can't just live my life pining after someone that, despite some inexplicable connection... will never, ever be the one for me.

I need to get myself back, little by little.

I wish you didn't look so good to me right now.

I'm better than I have been for weeks but a sad hollowness has set in.

What am I going to do?

I wonder if you meant to do it.

Of course not. It had to be an accident.

It was such a challenge fighting the urge not to respond.

My heart aches for any semblance of your presence.

I have never cried for any one boy so much. My tears could fill oceans. Tears that sometimes feel like blood.

* * *

Gamble

A pleasant surprise
was the start of the demise.
An ill-judged game of chance,
lost in just one glance.

It was elation, it was bliss.
Oh the joy of hit and miss!
But rules change along the way -
promises turn into lies you say.

I wish I had called your bluff.
I wish I knew when enough was enough.
Now you’ve won and winner takes all.
And I have nothing left from the fall.

* * *

I'm so tired of this roller coaster ride.

He loves me, he loves me not.

This is the last nail on the coffin.

This time... it really is over.

I've always loved scrapbooks. They're like photo albums crossed with diaries mixed in with a knick-knack box. They tell a story like nothing else.

It's fascinating when you look back at the things you've collected over the years and you decide to put them all together. You think about chronology and patterns... how they fit together... how they make sense... how exactly they influenced you and made you the person that you are today.

You augment things and dress them up. You decide which memories to include and which to throw away.

Everything that didn't make sense before suddenly do and you wonder how that happened. Even once painful memories look beautiful.

* * *

I just thought I meant a little bit more to you that you would wait a little before you replaced me.

If you only knew how much I loved you and how deeply I cared maybe you wouldn't be so insensitive.

All I wanted was a little bit of respect. How could you be so cruel?

I've done a lot of things wrong but I certainly don't deserve this.

But I forgive you. If you're happy...

I forgive you.

Good God, I am truly pathetic.

I haven't been here since forever.

What do I do now?

Please don't tell me it's over.

Whore. Prostitute. Slut. LOSER.

What is she doing?

How was I ever stupid enough to believe that this time would be different?

They never care as much as they're supposed to - as much as you.

Do I matter at all?

Please don't make me regret giving you everything.

It's like my time isn't running out.

I only want to spend my last few days with you and all you want to do is squander it all away.

It hurts like you don't even know.

Do you even really love me?

I don't have all the time in the world to wait for the answer.

If you don't care then what are we doing - what is the point?

Am I just some blown up infatuation?

My GOD.

I guess I'm coming to terms with how stupid I've allowed myself to be yet again.

You're all that matters to me now. But that's a one-sided thing, right?

Screw you.

If I was dying, would that make a difference?

I hate you.

Why can't you just be here?

I would have done it for you.

I miss...

There's no way around it.

I wish you wouldn't take it out on me.

It's hard enough as it is.

Why must you chase down something that you only wish to set free?

You cannot change that which is set into stone.

Take it or leave it.

The last thing you thought you'd find at the end of this road seems to be what you now reap.

Perhaps you should leave.

What is left for you here?

Things go so vastly out of plan.

Do you feel this too?

Say you do.

This is a fool's dream.

How can I not think about it that way? This is all I ever wanted.

I forgot about you for a while.

I hate that it's so effortless for you. You must've always been the perfect one.

Even now it all seems so unlikely.

I guess all I have to do is wait for it to be over and go down swinging.

I never thought it would all go this fast.

I need to do something more productive with my life. Seriously.

I am undeniably bored.

I love you but sometimes you really piss me the fuck off!

"You can't always get what you want."

Ah, what shall I do when it all unravels before me?