You are such a loser.

This is so stupid it's not even funny anymore.

Enough.

That answers your question.

It's meaningless.

This is not your game anymore, right? So drop it already.

MOTHER. FUCK. x 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

PUTA!!!!

FML. TANGINA.

I cuss way too much now. HAHAHAHA!!

I don't get it. By all merits, your life is probably more interesting than mine right now. That being said - probably everyone ELSE'S life is more interesting than mine right now. HAHAHAHAHAHA shit.

This is all so incredibly FRUSTRATING.

What is the POINT of being built this way?

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

What is it that you don't want to tell me yet?

Am I going to go out early?

THAT CAN'T HAPPEN!!!!!

Things are too sucky right now. I have to make up for it!!

Is this the fucking SEASON for this shit AGAIN or am I just GOING NUTS???

Don't even try to deny it.

You can cut this tension with a knife!

Maybe I lied. Maybe I am angry. Angry at you for putting me back in this kind of situation when I promised myself that it wouldn't go down that way anymore.

It's always under the table.

This was so unfair to me.

I'm not supposed to be THAT girl.

Don't you think I deserve much better than this or are you really that selfish?

You PROMISED. What's taking you so long? I'm itching to get back on the job.

I hate this.

I can't tell a soul. I'm just too damn ashamed.

We are fallen divinity
With eyes of fading light
Our skin bears The Mark
That seeps right to the blood.

The hunting horn blows again
And the bloodhounds respond
And so it goes
On and on
And on again still.

All our childlike hope spent
On locked gates and shut doors
We are on a precipice
Crying for escape
And promises that speak
Of ire and desire
Of life and of strife.

We jump, we fly, we soar
down a path of ends unknown
One step multiplied to infinity
Wanderers by fate
Born with the inheritance of the unslain.

* * *

I'd be lying if I say I didn't want it.

I don't understand this because there's certainly something wrong here.

Already gone on sabbatical.

You're a good person but that fact is buried deep, deep down under an anomalous, amoral abyss.

Identity theft.

I was wrong many times before but I might know you better than you think.

Take me seriously.

Are you nice to me because you have to be - because you OWE me? I really don't need that.

It's okay, I guess. You make me look good. Haha!

Where do I fit into all of this?

THAT should've been lost in the flood.

Disgusting. Despicable.

And you cry and you call out to deaf ears.

That is why there is only emptiness when you clasp your hands together.

We all want something better. We all want something MORE.

Quid pro quo.

I hope you know that.

I simply want you to see.

Desire and intensity, all wrapped up in feeble and forbidden passion.

Have I informed you today of your stupidity?

Fraud.

But then, I suppose, I'd only be insulting myself.

The curve increases every year.

Lured under false pretenses.

"Suffering is evil because it is a violation of the human person, ultimately resulting from sin."

Until it is anchored - it may yet be swayed. The current is strong and it is but a small, small vessel lost in the middle of a vast, vast sea.

How? Why?

X-ray vision.

There is power in beauty and beauty in power.
Because the pain feeds the poetry and the poetry feeds the pain.

Annoyance, adoration, jealousy, disbelief, acceptance, shame, fear, awe, sadness, warmth, shock, gladness, disappointment, relief.

Rich citrus cream.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
-Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Funny how that is.

Every little detail means something. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe we're all just sons and daughters of Cain.

What were you hoping to find?

* * *

It's like a condition
this rendition
of cat and mouse, baby
and I don't know what it is that can save me.

Won't you reach out
whilst I shout
your name?
End this silly game.

Because I don't wanna play.
I just want you to say
what you know I've been waiting for;
EVERYTHING and more.

"I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands and wrote my will across the sky in stars."
—T. E. Lawrence

I thought I'd be over it by now but no... working with you still makes me want to BREAK something.

I can't wait for this year to be over - for all this ridiculousness to just STOP. I can hardly stand it.

I can barely breathe. I am so sick of it.

We always want what we can't have.

I cannot imagine being anywhere else. It has become home. I belong there, don't you see?

And one day I will take your place. You will see that you aren't so special after all.

It has hit me. I am being left behind.

I'm sorry that I said what I said and did what I did.

There was an ache somewhere inside that needed soothing.

Faith.

All that escapes me.

To believe.

Impossible.

I don't want to leave. You can't make me. You will see that I will not be so easily disposed of.

Why do I keep you around? It hardly seems worth it anymore. There's nothing you can say that will save you. There's nothing you can say that will make a difference. It's all over and we can never go back.

Would I be strong enough to refuse?

There are things that you will never, ever know.

* * *

Walk Me Home - Mandy Moore

Baby would you walk me home
I don't want to go all the way alone
Baby would you walk with me home
Baby would you take my hand
Come with me now to our special land,
Baby would you walk with me home

It's three a.m. and you're on my mind once again
I must have been dreaming
I thought I felt your heartbeat just then
Then I wondered how it would be
if I was your lady and you were my friend
I would put my heart in your hands
And it would never end

Baby would you walk me home
I don't want to go all the way alone
Baby would you walk with me home
Baby would you take my hand
Come with me now to our special land,
Baby would you walk with me home

I hold your picture next to my heart all the time
Oh yeah baby
You're my dream come true so glad you're mine
Then I wondered how it would be
if I was your lady and you were my friend
I would put my heart in your hands
And it would never end

Baby would you walk me home
I don't want to go all the way alone
Baby would you walk with me home
Baby would you take my hand
Come with me now to our special land,
Baby would you walk with me home

Every day and night I want to hold you
Understand that I am going to love you
In my own special way

Baby would you walk me home
I don't want to go all the way alone
Baby would you walk with me home
Baby would you take my hand
Come with me now to our special land,
Baby would you walk with me home

Karma is a bitch - I did tell you.

There are just so many cliches and stereotypes in this relationship. I am laughing out loud.

Behave.

I'm worried. REALLY worried.

So what was THAT like for you?

Nice hair. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Among many OTHER things.

LOSER.

Can we just forget about that?

I really, REALLY don't want to do this right now.

There are more important things.

If I get into trouble for doing this, I will bust a cap in yo ass.

* * *

So Into You - Tamia

With every passing moment
Thoughts of you run through my head
Every time that I'm near you
I realize that you're heaven sent, baby

I think you're truly something special
Just what my dreams are really made of
Let's stay together, you and me boy
There's no one like you around
Oh baby

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

It could be the way that you hold me
It could be the things that you say
(That you say)
Oh, I'm not too sure what it is boy
But I know I like feeling this way, hey

I think you're truly something special
Just what my dreams are really made of
Let's stay together, you and me boy
There's no one like you around
Oh baby

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

I really like what I feel when I'm with you
You're a dream come true
Don't you ever leave my side
Cuz it feels so right

I really like
What you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you

I really like
I'm so into you
I'm so into you
Oh, I'm so into you

wants so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words.

never, in all my years have i seen my home like this. it's insane.

first real flood experience. omg.

thank god for my bestfriend. THANK. GOD.

i stared at our main street in disbelief as the waters ran past waist-deep.

and i sat on the steps of a bank truly knowing the meaning of being so near yet so far.

the first step is always the worst. you think of everything that might possibly be in that water. spit. shit. pee. vermin. insects. disease.

and then you think, well fuck it. i have to get home. and then wading in that toxic swamp is just reduced to necessity.

who knew i could be so butch HAHA!

I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU I LIKE YOU

now that i've said it a hundred times (yeah, you can count it) - you're still not gonna get it.

i let you talk so much because i simply like watching your lips move.

and all i wanted was for it to be real.

have to fight it.

i can't lose you this way.

i feel like dying.

why does it have to keep coming back?

there's too much riding on this. i can't be careless.

sometimes it feels like i'm about to explode - like it's too much and i have to scream it out.

it'll come and it'll go.

i should really stop torturing myself like this. i'm way too damaged for this shit.

it's killing me that i can't do ANYTHING about it.

my soul in 1's and 0's.

please, God - MAKE IT STOP!

everything in it's own time - all will be revealed in the end.

i don't believe that you can't see it.

this is what you get for wanting something more.

can we please skip this part?

i know that this is all in my head.

crazy. SERIOUSLY.

wasn't supposed to run this deep.

i have to get out of here.

you really are something extraordinary, you know that? just the right combination to drive me INSANE.

you're playing dangerous games here, honey.

and i remember that heavy scent and all the lies it left behind.

you don't treat people this way.

it's not something you do because you're bored.

don't take out your frustrations on the innocent. it's really not going to make a difference in how things are.

don't be too much of a BITCH - you're going to pay for it in the end.

you forget that you wanted it too.

it's all gone by so fast. before i know it - i'll be waking up to the twilight of my life. what would i have achieved? what would i have been remembered for?

what do i want from you? EVERYTHING - everything and nothing.

you have no idea. you could have given me the only gift i really wanted.

it's sad how superficial you are. what - is this all because you want to show off??? you know, once the novelty wears off, nobody is going to care. so why do YOU??

you're kind of a little homewrecker, aren't you?

don't be so obtuse.

i wonder how things are to turn out.

i'm only going to hurt you.

be very careful, dearie.

Abandon

You have been bled.
Only a drop remains.
You have proven
A man can live on water.

He may cover his ears
And he may shut his eyes.

She may not comprehend
And she may not believe.

But who are they
For them to say,
'Change -
Rearrange and exchange'?

Be not afraid to fall
For how else can you FLY?

* * *

"Man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward." —Job 5:7

such a high. there's just so much to explore. in love with it all.

there is so much to run from.

i want to go back to the beginning.

yes, even that.

because what was "that" anyway? a footnote. forgettable. regrettable.

slowly turned back.

there's no point in it anymore. it was always just an excuse. i knew it - i just didn't care at the time.

i feel like myself again.

in a strange, redemptive kind of way.

the degradation and the degeneration.

yep. i have really good taste.

RIGHT.

i am... imagining things, aren't i?

has it really come to that?

wow.

this is just a whole other level.

i just... i want a BREAK.

stop the monotony!!

this is a mutiny.

whatever.

i just wanted to make it seem more interesting than it really was.

the truth... i'm all for it.

it's just a little sad sometimes, you know?

probably not.

you are alone
in a house that is not a home