i don't understand her and i don't know if she's a friend or a foe.

look who's perfect. yeah right.

i cannot fathom why... why... how?

is it so wrong to say that? is it so wrong to be that?

you don't know anything.

why don't you just keep on burning?

i never...

twisted.

irritating.

i hate you. I HATE YOU.

there are always those times....

those times you think you're finally losing it COMPLETELY.

because i believe everone's a bit of a borderline and nobody can ever be fully called "sane". but i'm talking about seriously crossing THAT LINE.

it's like your brain shuts down temporarily and you do or think about things that you wouldn't normally do in full capacitation. it's like instinct takes over reason and then... that's it... you're gone.

then afterwards you're all, "what the HELL was i thinking??"

ANNOYING.

i leaned on the windows that sent tremors through my body. i was suddenly more thankful than ever of the length my hair had reached over the summer. i let it cover my eyes as i stared but did not look beyond the tainted panes. and silent tears trickled down my blemished cheeks. my heart was heavy from searing memories stirred awake. and all i wanted was to evaporate from existence...

i wish i had a choice. i wish i didn't have to cling so tight. but they've got to understand that if i don't... i'll fall. i'll have no one else. i'd be alone. and the only thing that makes me smile is knowing that i'm not entirely by myself.

break away... break away... i've got to break away...

"Happy Ending" -Avril Lavigne

so much for my happy ending

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hangnin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

Chorus:
You were everything, everything
that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

Chorus:
You were everything, everything
that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you care
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Chorus:
He was everything, everything
that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You were everything, everything
that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending

whispers in the air...

listen, listen. they are beatiful.

a conquest is arising and i must meet it.

it's calling... and i must answer.

the nameless one must be sacrificed. for now, at least. it dances not within my reach. and i will not waste my energy chasing it when i know one day it will come willingly my way.

A flame of hope in him stays
Though it flickers and sways
As the winds of throe
Callously sigh and blow.

When forever betrayed him so
He carried on and let it go
Look past the pain and strife
For things that meant more in life.

He's let so many dreams sail away
Some never even sailed his way
Yet he says just one smile
Makes it all worthwhile.

Happy Father's Day...

i miss him. he's the only one who can save me from right now. but as always, he's MIA whenever i need him.

smashing.

i hate you and i hate you too. bagay nga kayo. masunog kayo sa impyernong magkasama! mwahahaha!

you make people forget who i am.

but i will always remember...

i know you don't mean to. i know you can't help it. but it hurts so much and i can't even blame you. because you are faultless.

so i'm merely left here with all the inadequacies... alone and distraught.

you don't want me to go...

yet you give me no reason to stay.

this is why i love this blog. haha. you guys never exactly know what i'm talking about. brilliant, i think.

my eyes are hooked to the lower right side of the screen.

hm. it means absolutely nothing, though here i am, hoping it does.

i'm a stupid girl with stupid dreams. and i never learn.

what i wouldn't give for that moment. a loophole in reality. just for a little while. it's not much at all.

and yet did he cool the condemned rich man's parched tongue with a drop of water? no... of course not.

i'm dying inside.

save me.

who am i kidding? here i am, seeping into new cracks, destroying this rock, this stronghold. it's like the past year never even happened.

in horror movies... it's like everyone there's so bloody stupid. i mean, why on earth do you go out of your hiding place when a psycho killer is prowling only a few meters away, probably just waiting for you to take your chance to escape??? and why do they always want to explore the creepy haunted house/creepy haunted forrest? i mean... what is the POINT of it all? oooh, i'm so brave... i'm going to go try and find supernatural crap and get KILLED/EATEN/MUTILATED. and why do they always answer the stupid phone to hear the scary voice person? why not run out of the house? arm yourself for crying out loud! ever heard of KITCHEN KNIVES??? and plus, hello... the killers always appear from behind so why don't you all just walk back to back? hahaha.

Ok. i'm getting carried away.

my point is... no matter how predictable these things are... it's different when you're actually in it. and it's like everything you've learned gets messed around and you don't know what to do.

it's actually downright annoying, come to think of it.

i don't like feeling this way. i feel so... dumb. it's like i'm totally incapable of learning a simple lesson.

it's probably all some game. no. not even a game... it's not even a thought... just nothing. and here i am. obsessing.

it's not FAIR, i tell you!!!!!!!

i always get... a raw deal. the bad end. NALULUGI AKO, LAMFOTSA!!!!!!!!!!

"Only When I Sleep" -The Corrs

You're only just a dreamboat
Sailing in my head
You swim my secret oceans
Of coral blue and red
Your smell is incense burning
Your touch is silken yet
It reaches through my skin
And moving from within
It clutches at my breast

But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

Somewhere in my sleep
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep

And when I wake from slumber
Your shadow's disappear
Your breath is just a sea mist
Surrounding my body
I'm workin' through the daytime
But when it's time to rest
I'm lying in my bed
Listening to my breath
Falling from the edge

But it's only when I sleep
See you in my dreams, (dreams)
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe
Somewhere in my sleep, (in my sleep)
Got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But its only when I sleep
It's only when I sleep

Up to the sky
Where angels fly
I'll never die
Hawaiian High
In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High

It's reaching through my skin
Movin' from within
And clutches at my breasts...

But it's only when I sleep...
See you in my dreams, (dreams)
You got me spinning round and round
Turning upside-down
But I only hear you breathe

In bed I lie
No need to cry
My sleeping cry
Hawaiian High

But it's only when I sleep... aaaaaaa....
Got me spinning round and round
(Turning upside-down)

Up to the sky
Where angels fly
I'll never die
Hawaiian High
But it's only when I sleep...

mosquitoes are evil.

right now it's just you and me
right now, when nobody can see.

Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang Lyrics
Artist: Freestyle with Pops Fernandez

Bakit ngayon ka lang
Bakit ngayon kung kailan ang aking puso'y
Mayroon nang laman

Sana'y nalaman ko
Na darating ka sa buhay ko
'Di sana, naghintay ako

Refrain:
Ikaw sana ang aking yakap-yakap
Ang iyong kamay lagi ang aking hawak
At hindi kanya (at hindi kanya)

Chorus:
Bakit ngayon ka lang
Dumating sa buhay ko
Pilit binubuksan ang sarado ko na'ng puso
Ikaw ba'y nararapat sa akin
At sya ba'y dapat ko nang limutin
Nais kong malaman
Bakit ngayon ka lang dumating

{repeat refrain}
{repeat chorus 2x}

notice me... take my hand...

sometimes i wonder.

don't you wonder too?

why don't i just let it go? to be honest... there is nothing there any longer. nothing but faint traces of things i wished were still there.

afraid of emptiness? maybe so.

i like that high and i savour it. but i cannot pretend for long.

to pretend is a grand game. how i love it and hate it all at the same time. to possess its gift is also to bear its burden.

where imagination takes the lead, emotions follow.

at least most of the time...

i am afraid. afraid to face it.

and yet i must...

but not yet... no not yet...

tomorrow perhaps? ...yes... yes... tomorrow perhaps...

i held back because i should.

i held back and i succeeded.

but what do i do now that there's nothing to hold back for?