i want to rewind time.

i want to go back to when it wasn't just all me.

When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew
that I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one who's stupid
And there's this burning,
like there's always been,
Ive never been so alone,
and Ive never been so alive...
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there's things I'd like to do
that you don't believe in,
I would like to build something,
but you'd never see it happen
And there's this burning,
like there's always been,
Ive never been so alone,
and I've, Ive never been so alive,

why does it still affect me?

nowhere in the same stratosphere as me.

but still.

seriously. "my so-called life" was WAY ahead of its time.

Rayanne: I think part of him is partly interested in you. Definitely. I mean, he's got other things on his mind.
Angela: But that's the part that's so unfair. I have nothing else on my mind. How come I have to be the one sitting around analyzing him in like microscopic detail, and he gets to be the one with other things on his mind?

i know that is so cliche to say but really i am so damn exasperated with this same stupid routine.

what am i doing? seriously? why must i constantly play this game of russian roulette????? i never EFFIN learn.

what do you think i do this for everyone? you are seriously mistaken.

but then again what do i expect you to do really? i screwed myself of my own free volition.

why do you have to be this way, huh?

i don't need you messing around with my already messed up life! DAMN!

giving up - give up before you get given up.

escape. run.

defeatist. pessimist.

whore.

meaningless.

you have no hold, no clout, no effect whatsoever.

you are a negligible piece of trash.

how could you have ever thought you were worth anything? everyday you just find new ways of proving how you are the extreme opposite of erudite.

FOOL.

go crawl under a rock and just DIE.

sack of SHIT.

choking me.

the ball is in your court. oh crap... this is gonna be a short game - or there may be no game at all. i'm the only one who wants to play.

are you serious? this is almost insulting. WHY???

you blithering IDIOT.

you know, when i was younger, i actually thought there'd be a time when i would NOT be stupid. AHAHAHAHA which only goes to show what i had to work with.

loser.

DRAMA.

ugh.

today on tv i saw a person jump in front of the lrt 1 in attempt at suicide. i laughed.

i'm done waiting.

i didn't even realize... but this blog of mine has passed 10,000 hits. cool.

* * *

Desire

I wan to run
and only see
the beginning of infinity.

I want to leap
and only think
of flight and of light.

I want to fall
and only feel
the breeze and the ease.

I want to scream
and only hear
always in all ways.

And I want to die
having tasted
all sweetness and all sacredness.

For I would be reborn
inhaling a scent that whispers
of peace and of beauty,
of truth and of purity,
of passion and of divinity -
forever surrounding me,
forever engulfing me.