stop trying to deny it.

i caught you - right there at the bottom of my screen.

don't try to pretend like you don't miss me.

i don't GET you. really.

STEP UP!

i don't like to wait.

it's killing me.

i want to ask but i know it wouldn't be... prudent.

i miss... someone.

everything i should leave alone but can't.

drives me insane.

still see trails left behind.

LET GO!

"Shock me like an electric feel."

can't delete everything - i still exist.

don't forget that.

i don't want to leave this place. especially now that my clock is ticking down doubly fast. everything that i was and everything that i am - witnessed by these four walls.

but we all have to move on.

one change to ready me for the next.

maybe i'm a bit afraid of the freedom... and of all that i know i'm capable of doing with it.

be brave. be strong.

hysterical. preposterous.

i'm outtie.

admit it. it was never the braces. or the glasses. or the scent. or even the dresses.

it was always just me.

it was the hunger and the desire. the helplessness and the vulnerability. the corruption and the twistedness. the tears and the fears.

all in me.

things you could never feel.

whatever i want...

that was always it, wasn't it?

i had never thought of it like that before.

it's so simple.

would i be happier if i possessed you?

when there isn't anything behind those eyes?

black - black as night and not even a shadow of twinkle.

maybe that's what's so... intoxicating.

the devil all wrapped up in gray.

one day, it will all unravel.

almost like you cared. almost.

how could i have done any of it?

come home.

you can run but you can't hide.

i've pieced together part of the puzzle - at long, long last.

it's one of those nights, i guess - just one of those nights.

a glint of evil.

of all the things i could have said and done...

a cry of weakness and utter desperation.

three years is a long, LONG time. look at how much has changed in just one.

we have to give each other a chance.

one of those nights when you can't remember the last time you were completely and deliriously happy.

it might be interesting.

embarrassing.

nobody REALLY cares.

catch me like i know you can.

there was a point once, i swear!

i feel it calling to me for the very first time.

this is how it should've always been.

according to fate.

wake the dead in me.

i knew it.

it's on now, bitch!

coy was just never my style.

you learn so much by just watching.

it is what it is.

that was always my mistake.

* * *

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd OUT DREW YA
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen in the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

and this, Issa, is why you should NEVER mix business with pleasure.

fine. if you want to blow it - FINE.

i just want to know what the hell you're playing at. I DON'T GET IT. i mean, what is the POINT???

i'm here. just HERE.

i wonder if it's true... what they say...

it's just not LIKE THAT. i don't know if it ever will be, okay?

so i kept it. so what? you wanna remember sometimes.

sometimes.

FINE - BE THAT WAY.

i'll hit replay when i'm over this.

i'm on probation. most definitely.

i want something legit.

you gotta give me more than that.

the breakdown before the crash.

there must be something about this time of year...

i need that.

i don't know what else to say. why won't you talk to me?

it's not fair - not fair how it all started to unravel because of you. because why should you matter? you are NOTHING. you're supposed to be NOTHING.

hypocrites.

and all i feel is TRAPPED. every goddamn day.

i have to remember what made me proud of myself and get back to that. i've lost so much - so much of who i really am.

it all just feels a bit surreal. how i can move and speak and not feel like it's coming from me at all.

i understand everything. why i need it... why i crave it... why i just can't let it go.

you lost me when you forced this upon me. don't forget you agreed to that. there are no take-backs. you made your choice. so live with it.

don't be ridiculous.

that makes MUCH more sense.

i can't believe it. did you find out? but how could you?

can't hardly wait.

now THAT'S really mature.

don't ask if you don't want to know.

there was once a time that i would write and it would all go away.

i miss those days when you would pretend and i would believe.

i know i don't understand anything but... that's not what i need now anyway. i'm leaving - plain and simple!

how naive i was.

we are, in every way, different.

most of it... only really made sense because i convinced myself that it did.

i just wanted it so badly.

if i could do it all over again...

i wouldn't be such a footnote.

they even LOOK alike - MY GOD!

"It's gotta get bad before it gets good - I want it good now but it's gotta get bad before it gets good."

oh no. this is not good.

KILL THE BUTTERFLIES - KILL THEM ALL!!!!

what's TAKING you so long???

from extreme high to extreme low.

oh the power of nothing - nothing at all.

fine. okay. i get it. whatever.

get off my case.

foolish games i hate.

enough.

bail.

that's it then, yeah?