it really ticks me off that i'm still stuck in the same place with you and that i can't seem to get the closure i need without crushing you into fine powder under extremely hot stiletto heels. you drive me to evil things.

i'm sad. our little puppy dog baby is in the animal hospital. i miss him.

outsiders unite!

should i or should i not... man... here i am again. putting myself out there. why am i never on that other side??? the side where they just watch?

making a total jackass of myself onstage (thank GOD i'll never go there or see those people again in my life---you don't need to know about it) made me totally realize how much i miss eruen.

now what am i going to do?

i kissed the best years of my life goodbye and now i think i have to settle for a lifetime of wishing they weren't over.

because right now i feel as if this will never be good enough and no matter how many times i cry rivers over it... it's just never going to get better.

everyday i ask myself... hey... maybe i should call you. there's no denying i want to.

it's just that...

you're so happy.

i just don't think i belong in that world anymore.

just forget it. forget me. forget everything.

Witness -Sarah Mclachlan

Make me a witness
take me out
out of darkness
out of doubt

I won't weigh you down
with good intention
won't make fire out of clay
or other inventions

Will we burn in heaven
like we do down here
will the change come
while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting...

And when we're done
soul searching
as we carried the weight
and died for a cause
is misery
made beautiful
right before our eyes
will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand

Will we burn in heaven
like we do down here
will the change come
while we're waiting?
everyone is waiting...

i just have to suck it up.

not everybody has the luxury to be like you and get everything so easy.

but know... know that every day that you forget that i exist... i can only think of you.

earth, swallow me up already.

i watched the mighty ducks marathon on star movies this morning.

i just found it kind of entertaining that the evil teams ALWAYS wears black. it's like oooh we're bad coz we're in BLACK.

i mean, would it be such a violation of good-versus-evil rules if the bad team wore pink or something? hahahahaha! ok. fine. not pink. but what about dark blue? or green?

why does it always have to be A DARK COLOR???

lordy. hahaha.

banks, charlie and dean portman are so hot, what can i say?

summer's at its end.

OH GOD!!

technically, i'm NOT sick anymore but i think i just feel a whole kind of other sick right about now.

i am terribly sick. eurgh. i've got a sore throat and a cold.

my volume level has been reduced five-hundred fold. hahaha. that's when i DO speak. but i choose not to speak at all since every word that comes out of my mouth feels like i'm being stabbed in my throat.

have i not said how much i hate sore throats? give me a cold any day. or a fever. just never a sore throat.

guhhh!! it hurts so bad!!

you know another thing i just can't take? injections. yeah, they're little needles. they "hurt just like an ant bite would". but let me tell you, ANT BITES REALLY HURT.

i mean, i remember when i was a kid, my brother and i were running around the beach and we accidentally stepped on a red ant hill. THAT WAS IMMENSE PAIN!! from ANT BITES!!

fine. they were a lot of ants. but ant bites still hurt.