this summer's been full of firsts. first cab ride alone, first shopping trip alone, first time enrolling myself... it's just... overwhelming sometimes. i mean, aren't these things supposed to happen gradually? it's just weird, is all. everything is happening way too fast this summer.

this summer SUCKS.

john stevens is gone na. i mean sure... he's good and all but... he wasn't doing really fabulously in AI lately. i hope jasmine makes the next cut or i will DIE. well, no. not die. but get really angry and crushed. oh man. keeping my fingers crossed.

i thought buffy got cancelled? so what's this "buffy returns" in star world? weird.

oh and my rooftop ROCKS!!!!!!!

what do you do when you have to share your breathing space with a perennial liar who also happens to be a big-headed social climber?

if you know, tell me. gawd knows i need all the help i can get to deal with that---but i disgress. there shall be no cursing on this blog.

I found this really cool speech in the Friendster account of Pink Arinola (i kid you not!): http://www.friendster.com/user.jsp?id=7294533. i'm posting it here coz it's just so darn funny!!!!!!! nyahahahahaaa!!!!

Viva La Arinola! ako ang dakilang PNA, Pink na Arinola, ginawa ako para sa inyong kabutihan, wag matatakot na lumapit, siguradong di kayo masisilip, istambay sa kalsada, palaging basa pagkat ihian ng masa... itinayo ako para sa iyo, sana ay pakatandaan mo, kapag kailangan gamitin mo ako, narito ako para sa inyo... iboto sa Party List: PNA (Pink na Arinola) alam niyo malaki ang mga plano ko para sa hinaharap, gusto ko gawing nationwide ang serbisyo ng PNA at gawing "unisex" ito para mas maraming nilalang ang makagamit, wag kayo mag-aalala mababayaran ni Eddie Gil ang lahat ng utang ng Pilipinas! maniwala ka! babangon tayo bilang isang bansa, isang diwa... nagpapasalamat nga pala ko sa lahat ng taong umiihi sa akin, kung wala kayo walang panghe, kasi naman i-shoot niyo ng maigi yung ihi niyo para hindi pumapanghe at umaaamoy yung mga dumi niyo, at saka walang magshiSHIT, ihian ito hindi kubeta, wala na ngang flush, saan sa tingin niyo pupunta yung tae niyo? at salamat sa lahat ng nag-add sa kin sa phrendster, lahat ng tao liligaya kung merong pink na arinola - Pink na Arinola, at your service, at inuulit ko PINK ang kulay ko, ayoko ng BLU! ayoko! Pink! Pink! Pink! wala nang iba! kasalanan ko ba kung ginawa akong pink? bahagi ako ng modus operandi ng task force pink ng MMDA para simulan ang proyektong Think & Pink Philippines program, magiging pink ang buong bansa!!!

"Some call these things the greatest arinolas on earth, equipped with a tube, defying the call of nature, but the risks these arinolas take are great, posters had been posted, weewee spilled, stinky smell, yes this things relieve us, but the hazards are real, so no matter who you are, no matter what you do, please shoot it directly."

"This is government property, misuse or damaging of this facility is punishable by law"

PNA: First Name: Pink Arinola Last Name: Mmda

the truth is like clay. fickle. can be twisted and manipulated in so many ways, shapes and sizes that afterwards, you don't know anymore the shape it started out in. i wish they'd stop talking dirt about each other and just tell me the cold hard truth unbiasedly. that is what i NEED.

i cannot believe my life has turned into such a frenzy. i expect this to happen in the movies but never in real life. especially not MINE. i just hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel. because as it is... it's pretty dark. dark enough that i don't know where i'm going anymore or why i'm going there at all.

it's unfair. so unfair.

i need something... anything... someone. to give me what it is that can numb this pain for a while... or take away half of its cruel effect on me.

it's not fair.

but life... when has it ever been fair, anyway, right? oh maybe to some people. the beautiful people. the people whose only problem is what to wear the next day. or which lip gloss to buy in body shop and so and so. you know, THOSE people. geezahs.

i need a break. a long break. some patch of sunlight in this stormy life. tell me there's an end. tell me that it'll be all right. tell me she's going to find a way. tell me He's on my side today.

lie to me.

make it a good lie. a convincing lie. coz i can always tell. i am an actress. that's what i do. but maybe you're good enough to fool even me. i hope so. because i need something to believe in. no matter how desperate. no matter how impossible.

like i said before, i need to escape. escape where the clutches of time, fate, death and responsibility have no sway over me.

i guess i need my own neverland.

you're just children, after all. shallow pieces of crap who don't know what they're talking about.

eurgh. i feel sick.

so that's why they call it "culture shock"... i knew somewhat before but now i can say i can grasp the whole idea. haha. silly me. what was i thinking when i did that, anyway? i plead temporary insanity.

i'm so broke right now that moths are making their homes in my wallet. wait. i don't have a wallet. i lost it in the mini theatre last year. but whatever. you know what i mean. i am just plain broke. crap. i'm not used to being this broke. nyaha.

hmmm... things are going fast. sometimes i wanna step back and just... observe for a while. but there's always not enough time. they're like a pack of firecrackers. it's kinda insane. but i guess this is what happens when you hit the motherload.

i'm plagued again. by regrets. fortified by their faith.

am i growing? am i becoming exactly what i want to be? is there hope?

Meaning has escaped me so
There is so much I do not know
From the limits of this cruel world
To the banners of true love unfurled
From the meaning of this life
Or if there is end to my strife
Where souls fly with their earthly duties done
And what I am to do with my hope gone.

peter pan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaaa!!! one word: WOW.
jeremy sumpter---double WOW. he's hot. nyaha.
i wanna read the book now coz that movie was just superb. it reminded me of those things i used to imagine when i was a kid on those boring trips to the province wherein all i could do to keep myself occupied for the whole 2-3 hours was staring up at the periwinkle sky and imagine myself making a home in its white clouds. it reminded me of how much i dont want to give up.

it reminded me how much i need to escape.

O misery, O smite
Is now my wary plight
I know not why, or when, or how
This distress befalls me now
The weight is heavy, the weight is pain
Yet it I carry despite disdain.


that's part of a poem i've been working on. i'm kinda stuck at the moment but i'm sure it'll work out. so... since it's made by me, it's COPYRIGHT TO ME too so don't even think about copying. ehe. sorry. just have to make sure.

sore throats suck. it's more annoying than getting a cold. rar. and it HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how can it just be "satisfactory". that's not FAIR. do so much then that's IT. rargh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our Father, who art in Heaven...

Holy be thy Name.

you jerk. how dare you even THINK of... no way. i promised her. and i won't, i won't, i won't, i won't. i'd rather... rargh. no. out of the question. i am not sharing the same breathing space as that skank. no way. not in a million years.

so there.

i don't know what to believe anymore. i mean... this side tells me their story and it always comes out like "hey, you're not so bad. maybe it isn't your fault." but then the other side tells you their part and it comes out the same way. it's so irritating. but you know what? i've decided not to care. period. they can blab all they want but it's to deaf ears. hayyy. this is so not happening to me!!!!!!!!!

rargh. my life is just sooo... i dunno. weird.

wow. i never thought THIS day would come. a truly historical moment. which makes me realize even more the patheticness of me. haha. well at least i try my best and be optimistic and cheerful. *sigh* maybe she IS right? maybe i should just stop chasing this dream. maybe i should just... let it happen in it's own terms. but what if it never does?

well that'll just SUCK.

walking contradiction. tsk tsk tsk. caution has been thrown to the winds, so it seems. oh well. one day... one day... i will have my time... my day in the sun... my day basking in it's beautiful golden rays as i frolick in open green meadows littered with the flowers of the rainbow...

wait and see. wait and see.

friendster is super duper weird. whoever developed it... kinda sucks.

'nuff said.

new skin. haha. something a little bit brighter. it's summer. so this place has GOT to lighten up a bit, don't you think?

yes... even when i'm not feeling so sunny and all... we all have to keep appearances, right? i am certainly no exception.

sometimes i hate plans. they have a funny way of getting screwed up majorly. don't you notice that? like fate is trying to stop you of taking control of your life. it's kind of twisted, if you think about it. i mean, people are always trying to tell you that you make your own destinies. what if you don't? what if you can't? what if your just this toy or form of entertainment... sort of like this TV show for the Higher Beings like God or something.

scary thoughts.

i hate plans sometimes. it gets so IRRITATING when they don't go right.