i'm dying. seriously.

if one day you found out you could make anything do whatever you wanted... would you?

i have to work fast. there's already queue from here all the way to pluto.

as if.

i just want a chance.

the hardest thing is waking up.

twilight obsession.

you still don't get it, do you?

do they think we're energizer bunnies? SERIOUSLY!

it's like they think we have nothing better to do than to slave into the wee hours of the morning. it's not that we don't TRY to do things in advance. it's just that there's so much work, there's absolutely no chance of doing ANYTHING in advance.

evil.

everything is everything.

thank GOD for starbucks.

a story waiting to be told.

it's just not coming out the way i want it to.

i want it to be unpretentious. i want it to MEAN something.

sweet poison, that's what you are.

i can't go without...

:)

"To live is the rarest thing of all. Most people exist, that is all."
-Oscar Wilde

Everyday I search for passion---the same passion that permeates the books I read, the music I listen to, the movies and the TV shows I watch, and the gossip I hear about.

And everyday... all I return with are questions unanswered.

Maybe I've deluded myself into thinking that this is all okay.

What have I done?

Can I imagine it another way?

But then, I never even tried.

But how could I?

I was afraid. Still so afraid.

Will that exist for me?

The number of times it pops up doubles by the day. It's driving me INSANE!

Screaming out loud, tugging at my hair, scarlet with frustration.

I don't want to do this anymore.

i knew it. my spider sense was tingling.

it's not really your fault. i should've made sure. but it's so much easier to blame you.

i miss it. i miss the escape.

why do i still waste my time thinking about this?

it's all so tempting.

i'm so bitter... even when i have no right nor reason to be.

sleepy.

i hate you---immensely.

possible whiplash.

i want to jump off into oblivion.

maybe i should let up.

and she peered out into the abyss and wondered. she knew what lay before her; a land of never-ending night where hearts were shattered and black as granite.

a smile
and a breath gets caught in my throat.

whisper of a thrill.

enough for forever.

you always want what you don't have---what you can't have.

how could i have been so careless?

something's missing now.

i haven't been this absorbed for a long time. it was refreshing. i thought i had forgotten what it felt like. i thought i would never feel it again.

it's a paradise on a whole other level entirely. everything else falls away.

and i lose myself.
and i forget.
and i take what isn't mine.
and i pretend.

and it is beautiful.

if only it were real.

if i could live this tale out...
who really cares about the past?

if i could disappear into its pages...
who really cares about the present?

if i could possess such perfection...
who really cares about the future?

i hunger for it.

will i find it?

perhaps nothing will measure up.

it all seems so impossible.

my ideals, thrown up into the sky.
come down as stardust.
bless me with what i've been praying for.

i feel like i've lost a life.

i can't believe i have to wait a year.

i don't want to do this anymore.

does this mean i have nothing left to stay here for?

i have to find you.

at least i can say i tried.

it will all turn into bedtime stories.

i don't want to go back. i just want to stay here, shut up with the smell of it pressing into my nostrils.

it can't hurt me there.

i hate it. it's a lot of unneeded stress. but i'm going to have to do it anyway. that's just the way things go.

it's so slow now. gah. annoying.

such a procrastinator.

i knew it!! I JUST KNEW IT! i am so good at these things. i surprise even myself.

i am so not believing it!

just goes to show that sometimes patience IS a virtue. maybe there's hope after all!

snaps for you!

i know you hate me but whatever.

i feel you.

ore wa baka ja nai.

right?

they take my mind away. they make me forget. and then i don't feel so bad. because the grass is truly greener on the other side.

i don't want to go back.