Time is the river in which Change flows. Fate is its destination. And the drive which urges our direction through it may either be the salvation of Light or the destruction of Night.

sometimes, when there's no inspiration, you've got to make your own. but writing like that takes a whole lot of work. so annoying. did i say i had roughly five days to get all this work done? well, scratch that. i have roughy THREE days. i seriously hope i finish this all on time. and in good quality.

i'm getting those flashes of bad memories which give me the urge to stab a fork in my eye. i so wish i could just give those people amnesia.

you think of crazy things when you've had around seven hours of sitting around inside a car. then again, i always think of crazy things so maybe it's just that this makes my ass hurt more.

writer's block is killing me. to know how the story's supposed to go, have snippets of conversations and swatches of concepts but absolutely no idea of how to string them all together. THIS is torture. and, as i've answered in my philosophy homework just a few minutes ago, TORTURE IS NOT MORALLY ALLOWED!!

i really hope that i'll be able to finish my ITS since i'll be in baguio until the 30th which leaves me roughly five days to get all the work done. I DON'T WRITE THAT FAST!! i haven't accomplished anything. all i have are ideas. in my head. MISS MANAHAN CAN'T GRADE MY HEAD!! and i must, must, MUST get high in this to pull up. that late WC really sabotaged me.

that's all. enough procrastination.

"The jostlings of young minds against each other have this wonderful attribute, that one can never foresee the spark, nor predict the flash. What may spring up in a moment? Nobody knows."

"In certain supreme conjunctures, has it not happened to all of us, after having put a question, to stop our ears that we might not hear the response? We have this cowardice especially when we love. It is not prudent to question untoward situations to the last degree, especially when the indissoluble portion of our own life is fatally interwoven with them."

---quotes from Victor Hugo's Les Miserables

* * *

One day Friendship and Love met...

Love asked,
"Why do you exist if I already exist?"

Friendship smiled and said,
"To put a smile where you leave tears."

Love asked,
"Well, if that's what you do, how come there are still many people crying?"

Friendship said,
"It's my fault... instead of doing my job, I sometimes end up doing yours..."

* * *

yesterday, a street kid told me i was beautiful. i'm sorry but it made me smile.

* * *

When the truth is found to be lies
and all the joy within you dies
don't you want somebody to blame
don't you need somebody to blame
wouldn't you love somebody to blame
you better find somebody to blame.

-Jefferson Airplane

despite being swamped with work (namely three quizzes, a test, and a report)... i still find time to squeeze in some net time. i don't know if i should be proud of myself or what. all i know is that all this hard work is giving me a heachache and i need a break. besides, reading about all the different ways you can abort a baby and prevent yourself from having a baby at all is making me feel... um... nauseous.

lately, i've seen the importance of keeping secrets. i have to work on that. things get so messy when other people know your business.

i find it funny that even though theatre is such a passion of mine and i love the escape of being someone else altogether... i'm really bad at lying. i don't know why!! i guess maybe because i don't like it normally so when i do, i get really uncomfortable and it shows quite obviously on my face. i can't even say it shows in my eyes or smile or even that my nostrils flare up like princess mia's do in the princess diaries. no... i think it's my whole freaking face. among a lot of other things.

goodness, maybe i should make it easier on myself and at those moments, i should just walk around with a huge banner that says "i'm not being entirely honest" or something.

on that note though, i find it amazing that there are some friends of mine who know something's up with me before i can "hold up that banner".

also, i've just reaffirmed my talent of babbling... for like the gazillionth time (hello entry alone is enough). i know i'm a chronic babbler-slash-overanalyzer and i guess i just got reminded of that when i talked to sabs THEN merc. i breathed like how many times during our conversation? i don't really know. but i've got to give myself credit in my ability to string extremely long sentences together without drawing breath. i'm just that talkative.

again, more realizations: i need to shut up more often AND i need to modulate my voice more effectively. on that last bit... i just have to say i get carried away. HAHAHAHAHA! i don't even notice that my voice is getting louder. it's my mom's fault. her and her loud kapampangan relatives for bringing me up that way. ahahahahahahahahaha!!

and since i reread a few journal entries today, i feel even more convinced of my obsessive psycho-ness. i bet if anyone else read them, they'd incarcerate me or something because honestly, some of the stuff that goes on in my head is pretty crap-scary. EMILY ROSE!!!!!!!!!!! ...ok that was lame. only my classmates will get that. fine, they're not that scary but even i would raise my eyebrow at myself. which i sort of already am doing. but whatever.

i'm off. i still have a quiz in THE left to study for. but at 12:30 i'm calling it quits no matter what. that's too much studying for anyone, considering i've been studying from the moment i got home.

my goodness WHERE IS THE GRACE OF GOD?? WHERE???????????

don't answer that.

crap. i was supposed to do the right thing but just when i was faced with it... it's like my heart froze up all of a sudden and all i could think of was evil evil EVIL!!

and of course it was a whole lot of fun then but now i feel really bad. *cries* why is this so hard?

well i suppose i was never good with saying sorry. coz it means i was wrong. and all though i accept that i am wrong most of the time anyway, those times that i pray to God that i am right, i don't let go of very easily.

needless to say, i have more than a truckload's share of pride.

AND IT'S GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME! THE DEATH, I SAY!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

so annoying.

the Lord has a borderline-cruel sense of humor. He is laughing at me---I KNOW IT!

i am so psycho.

i am such a loser. ahahahahaha!