press those fingers to the words
that sped away and didn't stay
turn that last page and start again
skip around then look away
it's beautiful, it's pretty
it's only just a story.

* * *

truth, my fickle friend
has taken coat and hat
off the shaken stand
breezed past and out the door today
unknown is his return
because i bought another mask
as liars often do

nobility has played its tricks
romance danced its allure
but in the end,
to this i bend
for just that one quick glance
that amber glint
that sees through not past

perhaps it might be wrong to do
but lines are blurred from wrong to right

and if that fire takes me tonight
then i guarantee you'll see
that i will soar
that i'll be free
to be who i choose to be

it's that time of the summer for me, i guess.

maybe it's because the last few days are trickling by like a growing pipe leak and my subconscious is just praying for some last minute adventure (or misadventure... depending on how you look at it).

and my stomach hurts like i'm going to throw up. but i'm not. like it's twisting into pretzel knots. and my brain hurts trying to imagine what my stomach would look like if it could twist up in pretzel knots aside from everything ELSE its thinking of. and my whole body just ends up tired because... well... just because.

the only way to get things to turn out differently... is to do them differently.

this is just way too ironic in the that's-gonna-come-back-and-bite-you-in-ass karma way. it's kinda creepy. and really sad at the same time.

man do i have a problem sharing.

it's not perfect. when it's all over i'm gonna wonder why i even thought that in the first place.

maybe i never stopped pretending.

i would've made it last forever, if i could.

did you want to? then you should've.

just stop. it's just not fair.

*sigh*

i want to but i don't want to.

oh MAN does it hurt.

it's not real. nothing is.

he took it down. i never noticed that till last night. it puzzled me... the fact that i didn't notice that bare piece of wall before, slightly whiter than the rest of it.

i tried to look for it. but i couldn't find it behind the desk or any corner of the room. i wonder where he put it.

then as i sat back down again, i realized he took down everything else as well.

it's quite a dismaying thing, i suppose.

but he probably started to hate seeing them. the last thing he would see before he'd turn off the lights. the first thing he would see when he'd wake up.

maybe it reminded him of what he had.
maybe it reminded him of what he lost.
maybe it reminded him of what he would never have again.

* * *

i shouldn't have said anything because it solidified the air.

i wish i could be as invisible as you make me feel.

and i thought i was different.

arrogant... simply arrogant.

it's nothing.

i guess this is what i'm dealt with this year. it will pass away with time, just like all the rest. i already know it. i can feel it.

the way to truth is littered with lies.

not even an option.

first is all that counts.

pick me, pick me.
i'm raising my hand, don't you see?

people rarely take the challenge.

* * *

Safe and Sound -Sheryl Crow

Maybe this is forever
Forever fades away
Like a rocket ascending into space
Could you not be sad
Could you not break down
After all I won't let go

[CHORUS:]
Until you're safe and sound
Until you're safe and sound

There's beauty in release
There's no one left to please
But you and me

I don't blame you for quitting
I know you didn't really try
If only you could hang on through the night
I don't want to be lonely
I don't want to be scared
All our friends are waiting there

[CHORUS]

There's beauty in release
There's no one left to please
But you and me

[CHORUS]

Feel like I could've held on
Feel like I could've let go
Feel like I could've helped you
Feel like I could've changed you
Feel like I could've held you
Feel like I could've hurt you
Feel like I was a stranger
Feel like I was an angel
Feel like I was a hero
Feel like I was a zero
Feel like I could have changed you
Feel like I could have healed you
Feel like I could have saved you
Feel like I should've heard you
Feel like I could have moved you
Feel like I could have changed you
Feel like I could have healed you
Feel like I should've told you
Feel like I could have loved you
Feel like I could have loved you
Feel like I could have loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I really loved you
Feel like I could've saved you
Feel like I could've saved you
Feel like I could've saved you.

it's like when diamonds start to pop up everywhere

who the hell am i?

this is too weird anyway.

leakage is death. denial was the way.

did you hear that? awww, you missed it? too bad.

maybe i'm no different. perhaps just a little crazier. but whatever. insanity is a common affliction. that's why the human race is digging its grave steadily quicker. maybe we just want to see what's on the other side.

die. die. die.

ouch, there's something stuck in my throat.

and yet... come see me.

prove me wrong because being right all the time isn't all what it's cracked up to be.

surreal. embarrassing. mortifying. i can't even remember. i just wish i had another shot.

i was robbed. i was cheated. or maybe i never really did learn how to share.

Great old octupi die very intelligent because reason always treads in overly negative swamps. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. man... i am such a lunatic.

just part of something i'm working on...

Darkness ate away the burning sky, the rolling clouds of grey shielded me from the grasp of fury, and thunder echoed my mighty cry for hope as lightning waved my triumphant banner. The little flames skipping on my body departed and tears from above soothed my scalded self. I reveled as that dam broke... its every drop icily relieving. Its sweetness took me away, holding me safely in its arms, caressing me, healing me. If being reborn is indeed possible... then that was the moment when I was fashioned anew. I felt such miraculous vigor under my very skin, in my very blood, pulsating with every beat of my heart, circulating all of my being with every hungry breath I took. I was alive as I had never been.

* * *

kingdom of heaven was such a kickass movie!! ...and orlando bloom FINALLY shows hint that he knows how to act!

by request of my musically-inclined friends... i'm plugging their gigs... so if you guys are bored or simply looking for some good music, you might want to check these events out :

BANDIDO is playing @ the bayside, roxas this thursday night---be there at around 10 pm. they're playing with King Babble and Barely Legal. It will be a swingin' show, so please go! (for other bandido gigs... check out the schedule here: http://enjoy-mio.blogspot.com)

THE BLOOMFIELDS play 9pm-1am every tuesday @ DISH bar, abs-cbn compound, timog QC. Be sure to have your dancing shoes ready! (for other bloomfields gigs... sign up here: http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/thebloomfields/)

watch KATOL in the Summer Scream Showdown! It's a battle of girl bands on May 21, 6pm-12midnight at Albergus, QC. tickets are p200, p100 is consumable for food and drinks. Their success relies on you because audience impact is 50%. SO SCREAM YOUR LOUDEST!

Felipe Vergara De Jesus, you will be missed.

I remember that whenever I went back to province, there wouldn't be a time that I wouldn't see you without a ciggy.
I remember that you always knew exactly how to make us laugh.
I remember you always had a smile on your face even when it became hard to.
I remember you playing tong-its (sp?) for hours on end.

May you forever rest in peace, Tito Philip.

happy mothers' day, indeed...

i'm tired. i'm back. 'nuff said.