with the promise of a break once in a while... it's easier to sidle back...

they understand... and that's all i really needed... to really feel that i am not alone in this...

touch my soul.

we'll play dressup. losing ourselves in bright lights, and pastel colored blurrs.

take me away...

grar. stupid blogger navbars are invading my blogs.

HA! DIEEEEEEE!

i am victorious!

i know i shouldn't be bothered. no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. yeah yeah. it was my fault. it was all my fault. old grudges never die. but i dunno...

it's just rich, isn't it?

i dream sometimes. execute my revenge. and it is sweet. yet... i will never get the chance to. they are just dreams.

the rain is falling.

but of course it's late. late... late again...

"is there anything you'd like to change about yourself?"

...many, many things...

if he had said yes... would i have gone? would i have given it all up?

i probably would have, were the offer given to me again. i need to find myself. i need to feel alive.

would i be missed? probably not. such is the fate of those such as i. we are the shadow children.

bathe me in light for i would like to shine. i want to be seen. to be forgotten... to be overlooked... it hurts... tears away at my very soul. how i would like to sew the pieces back.

"i feel like i've been shot."

"why?"

...hm. how could you understand?

i feel like nothing because of you.

i come in, you know, paranoia ladden and stuff then it just disappears when i talk to them. and i let myself trust.

then i look back on it and wonder why. wonder why and how i could doubt them... why i even doubt them at all.

distance. solitude. loneliness.

maybe those are the only ways to find myself. maybe it is how things are meant to be.

sometimes i want them just to say it. come out and say it. so it'll be over and i don't have to think about it so much. at least then i'd have my answer. even though it hurts.two more years...

two more years...

i'm not meant for it. or maybe i am... i just... don't want to be.

i don't want to be forgotten.

* * *

I Dare You to Move -Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here.

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to moveI dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before