why must it be human nature to desire what one cannot obtain? once you think about it, it's quite stupid, really. i mean, it's pointless, isn't it? and a daft waste of energy, that's for sure.

but its alure... is just so... intoxicating.

and so here i am, hopelessly ensnared, yet again.

it's one thing for an person to make a moronic mistake once. it's another thing if he does it twice. that means he's just an idiot.

ah well. idiocy. aren't we all at fault?

i kept thinking how i just wanted it all to end... how i couldn't take it anymore...

but now... now it feels like i'm giving up a part of me. it's so sad. i'll miss those times, those days, those hours we spent in each other's company.

i'm holding on so tight but... it's slipping away and i can't do anything about it.

i shouldn't have been so hasty.

now it's over.

i want it back.

these people are the ones i should have been with all along...

things just keep on adding up and it's driving me INSANE. i want to scream. i want to cry.

i don't want to be third year anymore.

God provides.

always, always, we question His providence... His presence... His power. but i know He has not abandoned me yet. a windfall He has sent me when i thought all hope had indeed been lost. when i thought i could not escape the most vile of options.

i cried.

cried that i might betray her loyalty. cried that my life my turn into one of those bad fairytales where there is never a light at the end of the ever blackening tunnel.

i was tested.

which to choose. which to believe in a whirlwind of stories, excuses, lies. they all seemed equally plausible. and yet... and yet...
they say that they don't want me to think ill of the opposing side but they constantly put me in the unavoidable position to hear all their insults about each other.

when will the insanity end?

does it have an end?

my hair blows with the wind and a dark blanket sprinkled with stars stretches endlessly above me. i feel as if i am above everything else in this world. far from reach of all my woes. the wind seems to whisper words of comfort, easing my weary body. it is quiet in my perception. it is peace. and as i sit there, i wonder what it would be like if i just slid down to my doom.

is the next life just a fancy of mortals who cannot fathom and cannot accept their fate to pass on? just a desperate cry for immortality? just a comfort to the dying? to the parted lovers? to the families in grief?

"i'll be seeing you soon."

what if you don't? what if there is no second chance. would we be so ready to give this one up? would i be so ready to give this one up?

"they're in a better place."

are they really? then why don't we all go and join them. it's better, isn't it?

forget what you think you know. they'll probably turn out wrong anyway.

prepare to get blown out of the water.

too bad, too bad. it was kind of sweet. brainwashed. but i couldn't help but smile. now i feel uneasy. and i'm not making sense. but that's the point. i'm going to start wearing gloves. it doesn't matter. it doesn't freaking matter. oh how i hope that... but it's inevitable... unavoidable... drat. these things always happen to me. breathe. breathe. it'll be over soon.

shux. my stomach hurts.

breathe. breathe. it's all one big lie.

hello all. it's been a while. i've been at a loss of what to say here for some time. i am currently engrossed in JK Rowling's Official Website (click the name to go to it). it's the quirkiest and most puzzlingly fun site i've ever been in. it's like an easter egg hunt of harry potter clues. haha. but it's hella hard to find any clues at all. drat JK Rowling and her cunningness. even her site is hard to crack!

how is my summer cropping up? i frankly don't know. i suppose it's far better than the drag-fest of last summer. at least i'm getting my exercise, gawd knows i need it. and don't you give me anything about how i'm as thin as a twig. ok. sure, i may be that but i want to be a FIT twig.
but some of the people i've met this summer are more or less the kind i wish i never remember when this is all over. really. that terrible.
though i might've made a tight group of about 5. which is delightful, and probably my saving grace. haha.

i've just realized how truly biting that poem i've been working on was. the only thing keeping me from clicking "delete" on it is that i stayed up for practically 2 nights working on it. and that would simply be just an atrocious shame since i love my sleep dearly.

aren't you people amazed at people like sean connery, george clooney and pierce brosnan? i mean, they're like basically old and could probably be your father/grandfather but still are incredibly charming and crushable? not that i have crushes on them. that would be kind of nasty. scratch that. it would be INCREDIBLY nasty. but, you know... they're still quite dashing. they give new meaning to the phrase "aging gracefully".

hey my good fellows! since msealsmusic and powerwebmusic are both down... and i'm feeling generous... here are some places you can get music URL/codes for bgm in your blog.

Kassierae's Music Site
emoxpunk_songs
kyleZmusik_codeZ
Forever_Music
Music_Messiah

shehet... ang pathetic mo. nakakainis. tinutulungan na nga tapos iniinsulto pa. i should frikkin charge you next time.

so i finally know the truth. i was right all along. why didn't you act on it before when things were fresh... when you mattered to me? why did you let it go?

dude, WHAT is up with angelfire???

anyway... got a new bgm... christina aguilera's "come on over baby". i know it's kinda last-three-years-ago and so-bubblegum but... ehe... i like christina. her voice is great. she's gotten kinda raunchy, which is sad but... her voice and talent is amazing and undeniable. plus she writes her own songs.

it's going to be a bit slower... but it's still wma. msealsmusic in on the fritz and powerwebmusic is under construction. go figure. at the same time, no less.

it's mother's day. well, woopdidoo.

vincent kartheiser (ANGEL's Conner) is so hot! need proof? visit: Vinnie Land: An Unofficial Fansite of Vincent Kartheiser. Even though it's been a long time since they updated, they still have the best and most pics of him.

gawd, i have nothing else left to say.

oh wait... this SUCKS.

why did i have to do that? sayang naman! reminded nanaman why i left that path behind me a long time ago. ang kulit ko talaga. i should've left it at that. now it's just a loss of money for me. haha. so not worth it.

i've really got to get out more!

i should just delete it period. that way even if i AM tempted, i still can't go through with it. i'll be too tamad to go look for it pa. yeah. maybe. maybe i should do that...

later. haha. i'm so tamad! but i have the right! i'm super tired. the combined effort of being around those people, boredom and work is just... trying me.

shocks, i'm so confused! my head hurts! the temptation to use expletives is growing! i wish i knew which side was telling the truth. i don't understand anything anymore. man, if no living soul had to look at me ever, i'd rip my hair out in frustration.

it sometimes sucks to be the oldest and a girl at the same time. everyone's counting on me to do the fighting. to take on all the responsibilities my mother left undone. to be the one to set the example. to be the one who should voice out. it's frankly driving me insane. everybody expects so much from me. but what if i can't do anything? what if i'm not strong enough to do what they want me to do? what if i really don't have a choice? WHAT THEN????

i'm just a teenager. just a teenager...

i can't remember when those words made ever me feel so small and helpless until recently. why is all of this happening to me?

remember when i said things were moving too fast? ...that's a very bad thing. very bad.

just STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: it's not in my nature to start a war
AteSop: hmm... why don't you let her know... y'know in a nice way..? well, in the nicest way possible... ehe
Me: there is no nice way to tell a person that she is a perennial liar
AteSop: well, good point.
Me: oh well
Me: someone's bound to tell her someday
AteSop: ah, it would probably be better to come from someone she knows than from some stranger who will most probably tell her rather harshly...
Me:i want a total stranger
Me:i'll be rooting for that stanger
Me: GO STRANGER!!!!!!!!!
Me: YOU ROCK STRANGER!!!!!!!!!