Books and movies. No wonder she had always been drawn to them. They were an escape. Into a world where she didn't exist. Into a world that didn't know her. In a world where everything turns out right in the end. She didn't have to think about her own problems. Her own parodies. She be too absorbed in those characters' stories. In their lives. No matter how far fetched. In those few moments, she could taste, smell and feel like she was traversing a different world, leaving the one that never failed to scorn her behind.
There had to be something to go wrong. No day was complete without a mishap in her life. And those mishaps usually upstaged any good that happened or would happen. It was tramendously unfair indeed but it was the life she had resigned that she was meant to have,

She remembered that it was easier to find secluded places when she was younger. When her eyes were still somewhat bright and wide. When her hands were small and clumsy. when her small body could be well hidden in tight corners that really didn't seem so tight to her. To get away somehow from all that noise, turbulence... and pain. That's why she would walk around as long as it took to find the perfect place where she could maybe talk to herself or cry. She never really found it abnormal to talk to herself. She knew, that to the rest of the world, it was a sign of someone bordering on insanity, but to her... it was exactly that which kept her sane.
But it was harder now that her eyes had dimmed down. Now that her hands were large and precise. Now that she was taller and older and took up more space than what those tight corners could take. That magic of those corners were not meant for her anymore. Which was a shame since it was now that she needed the seclusion more.
Now that she seemed to attract so much heated attention. She didn't know how that ever came to be. She didn't understand what had happened.
Should she even care? she asked herself as she searched in vain for a place of her own that day. But the moment that question popped in like the many other thousand times it did... she shut it down as quickly as it had come. She knew she could not do that. It was much too hard. Not when all she really wanted was for everyone to like her.
"How could that have gone so wildly astray?" she whispered under her breath as an unforgiving gust of gold wind blew against her. How she wished she had brought her jacket today. How she wished for many other things as well.

ok. i may have moved my PERSONAL blog but this one's still alive.

anyway, this piece is inspired by a person i used to know. a person i used to be inseparable from but now i feel is slowly drifting apart. it's sad but that's how friendships end up sometimes.

Eating alone was never a problem with her. Ever since the first grade, she knew she was different from everybody else. She knew her mind was on another plane. Another level. So she would go off on her own a lot. Feeling no one would really understand the millions of thoughts that daily flooded her 6-year-old brain. In truth, they were immensely advanced for her age. But setting herself apart too much... that was probably her gravest mistake.
Maybe she should have spent more time with the other kids. Everyone was different after all. No one ever thought the same even though sometimes it may seem as though some of them do. But she would realize this way too late. When things were set in stone. When they could not be changed no matter how much you want them to.
Ten years later, here she was again, masticating in solitude. Ella and Joey had work to attend to so she was alone in front of her classroom windows. Eating beside the coolers and the colemans and the lunchboxes. She was standing, almost as if she felt this would send off the message that she was only doing this because she was in a hurry to finish. All though she doubted if anyone cared, or much less saw or read this message, she still felt like she had to go through this ritual when she was eating by herself.
She looked enviously at the people who sat in tight circles, dining with their friends, laughing and eating like snails. If only she'd have known it was going to turn out this way... she would have done things differently.

hmmm. ayun lang for now. i'm not posting everything. just what i feel like. just what i feel like goes best with this day.

i've moved. ayun lang po. bow.